I always promise that I’m not going to apologize for not updating my diary here on SD, that the updates will come when they come and that it really doesn’t matter because no one really reads this anyway, but then I go a few days without updating and I start with an apology. Funny how that works out.
My life has been weird lately. Not bad weird, just… evolving. Friends that I haven’t spoken to in way too long have been popping back up in my life, which has been an amazing thing for me. I’m always fascinated by the ebb and flow of loved ones in my life; I love my friends even when I’m not actively talking to them so I just assume that most folks are the same way, then I hear a ‘why haven’t we been talking’ and I realize that I haven’t been making the effort to stay in touch that they deserve. I’m getting better about that, and have really been blessed to reconnect with some really rad friends that I haven’t spoken to in way too long.
I also promise that I’m going to talk about my life unfiltered on here, but sometimes that comes at the risk of potentially hurting the feelings of people I really care about, so I’m of mixed minds on wether to discuss my recent breakup or not. Things just didn’t work out with a woman that I really care about and I had to end the relationship. It sucked. I think we really connected and I obviously thought the world of her, but sometimes things just don’t work out. She’s the first woman I’ve ever dated that I’ve wanted to be friends with after the relationship ended, so I put the offer out there. We’ve texted a few times and we both seem to still think well of the other, so we’ll see how it plays out.
This is the third time I’ve had a relationship end on or around Valentine’s Day, yet I’m still a sucker for all of the hearts and flowers and Cupids. Not really sure what that’s all about, but I still hold faithful that eventually I’m going to be happy with life and love. When I got home from my NYC trip there was a package waiting for me in my mailbox (surprising, given how useless the USPS is) with a amazing Japanese tea mug from what appears to be a secret admirer. I was floored. The note was not in handwriting I recognize and the post mark was from Philadelphia, so I’m very curious (obviously) about who’s sending me anonymous Valentine’s presents. Clearly someone who has my home address. I won’t pressure the sender to out themselves, but I’ll say here that if you’re reading this- either directly or linked through Facebook- thank you. It was very sweet and it truly did make a hard day easier. I had my first cup of tea in it this morning, so know that it not only lifted my spirits but also is in use. I’ll have to look around for this pattern and see if it’s part of a set…. maybe that will help me figure out who my secret Cupid is!
Speaking of friends AND of NYC… I had a quick trip to help clear my head and it was very much so needed. There’s something about the ritual that I like. Getting on the Megabus with a trip specific playlist; zoning out or falling asleep as we start heading towards the turnpike and waking up as we’re pulling into the city. I rarely plan anything (which occasionally bites me in the ass- I tried to plan to see my friend Matt, who was in town from London, but that didn’t work out) and mostly just let the trip work itself out. I had sushi with my friend Marissa (who also hornswaggled me into eating vegan food on my last night there) who also gifted with a giant box of delicious macarons, visited Decker and Starr and Alicia at Sacred, Ashley and Chris at Venus and a friend that I hadn’t seen in too long (615) and still only had a little time with before heading back to Decker’s to spend all night chatting with he and Starr and being ignored by their adorable little (skittish) dog Oliver.
I’ve missed all night bullshitting with Brian, and the more time I spend with Starr the more I realize how rad she is. I’m glad they’re together; they just seem to fit and that makes me smile. She, Jerry and I had lunch the next morning and again… spending time with them was much needed.
I also managed to chat with Chris O’Donnell (who’s done a lot of tattoo work on my Sister, Brother in law and friend Ashley) and my tattooer Robert Ryan, talk some Pushead with Lorne and Charley… it was like all of my interests colliding and really put me in a great place.
After seeing so many friends last week at the Tattoo Convention, reconnecting with old friends online and then the NYC trip I’ve found myself really happy with the people I share my life with. People like Efix who call me up on layovers at the Airport, or Catertot who takes time out of her PhD work and own life struggles to listen to my whining. Phil, who I hadn’t seen in forever, Brandon and Tom and Erin and Bethany (always Bethany. The only person who I’ve put on a pedestal that truly and totally deserves it.) all watching my back when I need it, and it seems that I need it a lot.
Even my therapist was in tune this week; Thursday’s session (where we both looked like aging goths- not a color to be found in either of our outfits) was one of the best I’ve had in a really long time. She engaged me like I need, instead of the typical therapist “and how does that make you feel” line she was digging in there and letting me know how SHE felt about it, which is what I need. Perspective. I know how I feel, how I react, so when she jumps in and says “that makes me really uncomfortable” it helps shed some light on how I’m perceiving it.
I don’t know what the future holds for me, but… despite being appropriately melancholy, I’m ready to find out.
Photo: Pushead/Usugrow Salvation Pirate.
Inset: Tea mug from a secret admirer