Wednesday 12.12.12

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I’m feeling every single one of my thirty eight years today.
Massively overdid it at the gym + walking yesterday and despite the muscle relaxer and the epsom salt bath, I’m still feeling like a truck hit me. I’m going to blame Erin for changing up our routine last night and not the extra long workout, since I’m generally uncomfortable accepting any blame.

We skipped movie night (nothing worth seeing was playing) but decided to meet up any way. That’s not really us to change things up. and we all know that breaking patterns makes me as uneasy as accepting blame. But I went with it, and despite my internal protests, I had a really good time. We started Bizarro Movie Night by stopping at a sex toy shop. It was totally harmless of course; Erin’s roommate works there, but still. Sort of sets the tone.

She picked up some weird Cthulhu-y free vibrator cover to give to her friend Matt, who ended up being a really nice fella and who gracefully accepted a creepy vibrator sleeve in a public setting; he even (quite loudly) asked which parts of lady anatomy the creepy vibrator sleeve was meant to stimulate, while putting it on his finger and waving it around. Luckily we were at Tattooed Mom’s and no one really notices that sort of stuff.

Once I got home I decided to take a few melatonin and see if I could get to sleep; I guess after taking a few months off of using them they’re finally starting to be effective- I was asleep by Midnight and woke up this morning with my curtains still open, tv still on, wearing clothes and sleeping side by side with Bailey, who apparently only sleeps in his bed when I tell him to. Thankfully I didn’t roll over on the ol’ Space Otter.

I’ve been up for a bit now, watching movies and just sort of taking it easy, but I think I’m going to do a hair of the dog day and head back to the gym. I’m not going to overwork anything I worked on yesterday; I’ll probably just concentrate on cardio to shake me out of this stiffness. It’s not always fun, but taking a day off seems like it’s going to make things worse not better, and I have a Pho dinner to go to tonight, so I might as well burn off some extra calories/energy before I head out. No rest for the wicked.

Looking up and seeing the entry date- 12/12/12 reminds me that I somehow missed my Mother’s birthday on Monday. I try not to make any date more special than another, so missing my Mom on her birthday is just like missing my Mom on some random Monday to me; still wish she were here, but I try to meditate on the good memories and not get extra sad on specific days. Still… this is the first year where I’ve completely spaced on it. I try to think about her a little bit every day; sometimes it’s just a good memory, other times it’s wishing I could talk to her about what’s going on in my life. I honestly think the rough few months I had post breakup would have been truncated had my Mom been around. She would have let me process it for a bit then told me ‘Ok. Enough’ and for some reason, it would have made things all better. Hell, maybe she would have even been able to get back the things my ex stole from me? My Mom was always a better mediator than I am. Either way, I missed her 70th birthday, so I’m raising a glass (of Raspberry Emercen-C) to her now. Happy Birthday, Mom- I miss you.

Gah. This whole talking about my feelings thing is still weird.

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