The days really get away from me sometimes.
I think it’s a good sign when I can’t update my diary; means I’m actually busy enough that sitting on the laptop and talking about my laundry or whatever boring chore I’m usually wrapped up in is an afterthought. The last few days have seen me out and about with weather so nice that it’s hard to believe it’s December.
I’ve been in a really great place mentally. It’s an ebb and flow thing for sure; and like I told someone the other day the most important thing to remember is that bad days are ok too.
Once you realize that yeah- some days are going to fucking SUCK and that its ok… you’ll find that you can just sort of meditate on the lessons that your bad day can teach you and then bust your ass to make sure the next one is better.
But I’m not going to lie- the good days are really easy to get used to. Waking up without that black cloud over my head; goofing around with Bailey or playing video games before the gym and not feeling like everything is pointless is a great feeling. Struggling with depression is rough and most of us don’t talk enough about it, which makes other folks feel alone. Once I was more public about my issues, I started getting private messages from friends I always thought were impervious to bad days and they told me about their experiences with depression. About the meds they were on, the really rough times and that they always thought I was so together. That’s when you see that we can all use someone to talk to. I’ve been really blessed over the last few months to have an amazing group of friends who’ve been so damned patient and giving when I needed a shoulder. Asking for help like that is difficult for me, feeling like I’m not in control of myself. It’s tough. But I’ve had friends show me infinite support when I thought my world was caving on me; and that support is why the good days now are so frequent.
So if I don’t say it enough… thank you.
Photo: Fuck Authority.