Year in Cinema 2017

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What a great year for cinema!
Theatrically I saw 198 films, representing 164 unique films with a handful of multiple viewings (including several of my top five) and a decent amount of 35mm projected films.

I had an unprecedented amount of 5/5 films in 2017, but when it came down to it I had to pick five for the top spots. Two came from first time feature directors. Here goes:

  1. Endless Poetry.
    A new Jodorowsky film is pretty much always going to take the number one spot on my list; like Dance of Reality before it, Endless Poetry chronicles the early life of auteur director Alejandro Jodorowsky. The films are his most accessible work to date, with his trademark aesthetics but a more conventional (if not magically realist) narrative. I hope he’s able to get a film made that covers his filming of El Topo and the Holy Mountain.
  2. The Shape of Water.
    A late entry, coming out with only a few weeks left in the year but it easily knocked other contenders out of the top five. I always hate when reviewers call a film a “love letter to____” but this is exactly that. A love letter to cinema, to monster films, to love stories.
  3. Ladybird.
    As an actor, Greta Gerwig has infinite presence on film; you always notice her even in ensemble casts like 20th Century Women where she has to act alongside Annette Benning. It seems like the same can be said for her as a director; that despite Ladybird being her first feature she’s fully capable of standing out amongst more seasoned directors.
  4. Baby Driver.
    This will be the film that defines Wright’s career. In light of the allegations re: Kevin Spacey I’m sure this will be dropped like it’s hot for awards consideration, but Wright gets everything perfect: the right cast, the right pacing, the right screenplay and music and masterfully ties it all together. I can’t wait to see what he does next.
  5. Blade Runner 2049.
    Oh. It lost $100m at the box office? Too bad. This is a film where the design of the film is practically a character. If you expected a cookie cutter sequel or an action movie out of Villenueve you picked the wrong horse. But if you wanted an expertly filmed, expertly conceived movie? This is for you.

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Theatrical:

  1. Hidden Figures. (2016) 4/5
  2. Underworld: Bloodwars. 1/5
  3. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. 5/5
  4. Moana.5/5
  5. The Bye Bye Man. 1/5
  6. Sleepless. 2/5
  7. Live by Night. 3/5
  8. Patriot’s Day. 2.5/5
  9. Split. 3/5
  10. XXX: Return of Xander Cage. 2/5
  11. 20th Century Women. 5/5
  12. Lion. 4/5
  13. Resident Evil The Final Chapter. 2/5
  14. Gold. 2/5
  15. Manchester by the sea. 3/5
  16. Rings. 1/5
  17. The Space between us. 3/5
  18. Moonlight. 5/5
  19. The Comedian. 2.5/5
  20. John Wick 2. 5/5
  21. John Wick 2. (2) 5/5
  22. The Lego Batman Movie. 3/5 (IMAX)
  23. 50 Shades Darker. 1/5
  24. The Great Wall.3/5
  25. Fist Fight. 3.5/5
  26. John Wick 2. (3) 5/5
  27. A Cure for Wellness. 4/5
  28. Get Out. 5/5
  29. Collide. 2/5
  30. Get Out. (2) 5/5
  31. Rock Dog. 1/5
  32. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. (2) 5/5
  33. Logan. (IMAX) 5/5
  34. Table 19. 3.5/5
  35. Logan. (IMAX) (2) 5/5
  36. Before I fall. 2/5
  37. Logan. (3) 5/5
  38. Kong Skull Island. 3/5
  39. Beauty and the Beast (2017) 4/5
  40. The Belko Experiment. 3/5
  41. Raw. 4/5
  42. Beauty and the Beast. 4/5 (IMAX 3D) (2)
  43. CHIPS. 3.5/5
  44. Saban’s Power Rangers. 2.5/5
  45. T2: Trainspotting. 5/5
  46. Life. (2017) 3/5
  47. CHIPS. (x2) 3.5/5
  48. Ghost in the Shell. (2017) 3/5.
  49. The Blackcoat’s Daughter. 3.5/5
  50. The Boss Baby. 1.5/5
  51. Gifted. 4.5/5
  52. Smurfs: The Lost Village. 2.5/5
  53. Going in Style. 2.5/5
  54. Colossal. 4/5
  55. The Fate of the Furious. 2.5/5
  56. Free Fire. 4/5
  57. Born in China. 3/5
  58. Phoenix Forgotten. 1/5
  59. Unforgettable. 2/5
  60. The Circle. 3/5
  61. Dynasty. (1977. 35mm, 3D, eXfest) 2/5
  62. Death Rides a Horse. (1967. 35mm, eXfest) 3/5
  63. The New Barbarians. (1983. 35mm, eXfest) 4/5
  64. Combat Cops. (1974. 35mm, eXfest) 3/5
  65. Street Asylum. (1990. 35mm, eXfest) 3/5
  66. Love me deadly. (1973. 35mm, eXfest) 2/5
  67. Pink Flamingos. (1972. 16mm, eXfest) 5/5 (introduced by John Waters & Elizabeth Coffey)
  68. Sleight. 3/5
  69. How to be a Latin Lover. 3/5
  70. Guardians of the Galaxy. (RPX 3D) 4/5
  71. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2. (RPX 3D) 4/5
  72. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2. (3) 4/5
  73. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword. 2.5/5
  74. Alien: Covenant. 3/5 (IMAX 2D)
  75. Beauty and the Beast. 4/5 (3)
  76. Alien: Covenant. 3/5 (IMAX 2D) (2)
  77. Smokey and the Bandit. 5/5
  78. Baywatch. 3.5/5
  79. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men tell no tales. 2/5
  80. The Lovers. 4/5
  81. Baywatch. (2) 3.5/5
  82. Wonder Woman. (3D IMAX) 4.5/5
  83. Wonder Woman. (2) 4.5/5
  84. Obit. 5/5
  85. Wonder Woman. (3) 4.5/5
  86. It comes at night. 2/5
  87. The Mummy. 2017. 2/5
  88. 47 Meters Down. 2.5/5
  89. Cars 3. 3/5
  90. Death Line (aka RAW MEAT, 1972) 35mm 3/5
  91. Rough Night. 2.5/5
  92. Transformers: The Last Knight. 2/5
  93. Baby Driver. 5/5
  94. Baby Driver. (2) (RPX) 5/5
  95. The House. 4/5
  96. Despicable M3. 2.5/5
  97. Baby Driver. (3) 5/5
  98. Spiderman: Homecoming. 5/5
  99. The Big Sick. 5/5
  100. Spiderman: Homecoming. (2) (Imax 3D) 5/5
  101. Wish Upon. 2.5/5
  102. War for the Planet of the Apes. 3/5
  103. The Little Hours. 3/5
  104. The Big Sick. (2) 5/5
  105. Valerian and the City of 1000 Planets. 3.5/5
  106. Dunkirk. 4/5
  107. Valerian and the City of 1000 Planets. (2) 3.5/5
  108. Girls Trip. 3.5/5
  109. Endless Poetry. 5/5
  110. Endless Poetry (2) 5/5
  111. The Emoji Movie. 1.5/5 (+.5 for seeing it with Kanopka)
  112. Atomic Blonde. 3/5
  113. The Dark Tower. 2/5
  114. Endless Poetry.  (3) 5/5
  115. Detroit. 4/5
  116. Kidnap. 3/5
  117. Annabelle: Creation. 4/5
  118. Brigsby Bear. 5/5
  119. Spiderman: Homecoming. (3) 5/5
  120. The Hitman’s Bodyguard. 3/5
  121. Logan Lucky. 3.5/5
  122. Brigsby Bear. (2) 5/5
  123. The Hitman’s Bodyguard. (2) 3/5
  124. Ingrid goes West. 2.5/5
  125. Birth of the Dragon. 2.5/5
  126. Close encounters of the Third Kind. 5/5
  127. IT (2017) 4.5/5
  128. Home Again. 3.5/5
  129. IT. (2017) (RPX) (2) 4.5/5
  130. IT. (2017) (RPX) (3) 4.5/5
  131. mother! 5/5
  132. American Assassin. 3/5
  133. ET. 4/5
  134. Kingsmen: The Golden Circle. 3.5/5
  135. Friend Request. 2/5
  136. Kingsment: The Golden Circle. (2) 3.5/5
  137. Flatliners. (2017) 3/5
  138. American Made. 3.5/5
  139. mother! (2) 5/5
  140. Battle of the Sexes. 4/5
  141. Blade Runner 2049. IMAX. 5/5
  142. Blade Runner 2049. (2) 5/5
  143. The My Little Pony Movie. 2/5
  144. Happy Death Day. 3.5/5
  145. The Foreigner. 2.5/5
  146. American Satan. 2.5/5
  147. Brawl in Cellblock 99. 3/5
  148. The Mountain Between Us. 3/5
  149. Marshall. 3/5
  150. Geostorm. (IMAX 3D) 1.5/5
  151. Professor Marston and the Wonder Women. 4.5/5
  152. Only the brave. 3.5/5
  153. Snowman. 1.5/5
  154. Suburbicon. 2.5/5
  155. Anguish. 1987 35mm 3/5
  156. Pumpkinhead. 35mm 3.5/5
  157. The Changeling. 35mm 4/5
  158. The Mist. 35mm 4/5
  159. Cemetery Man. 35mm 4.5/5
  160. Without Warning. 1980. 35mm 2/5
  161. Satan’s School for Girls. 35mm. 3/5
  162. I, Madman. 35mm. 4/5
  163. Trick or Treats. 1982. 35mm.  3/5
  164. Inframan. 35mm. 1/5
  165. Thanks for your Service. 3/5
  166. Jigsaw. 2/5
  167. All I can see is you. 2/5
  168. Thor: Ragnarok. 5/5 (IMAX)
  169. Thor: Ragnarok. 5/5
  170. Bad Moms Christmas. 3/5
  171. The Killing of a Sacred Deer. 4/5
  172. Murder on the Orient Express. (2017) 4/5
  173. My friend Dahmer. 2.5/5
  174. Lady Bird. 5/5
  175. Daddy’s Home 2. 2/5
  176. Justice League. 2/5 (IMAX)
  177. Justice League. (2) 2/5
  178. Coco. 5/5
  179. Tom of Finland. 4/5
  180. Wonder. 3/5
  181. Roman J. Israel, Esq. 3/5
  182. Coco. (2) 5/5
  183. Blade Runner: 2049. (3)
  184. The Unseen.  (35mm) 2/5
  185. The Dark. (35mm) 1.5/5
  186. Hell Night. (35mm) 3/5
  187. The Disaster Artist. 4/5
  188. We’re just getting started. 3/5
  189. Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi. 4/5 (Private Screening)
  190. Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi. 4.5 (score updated) (2)
  191. The Shape of Water. 5/5
  192. Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle. 3/5
  193. The Greatest Showman. 3.5/4
  194. I, Tonya. 4.5/5
  195. Molly’s Game. 4/5
  196. Pitch Perfect 3. 2.5/5
  197. Downsizing. 2/5
  198. The Shape of Water. (2) 5/5

Home:

The rules are simple; log every movie watched at home (or the Overground Cinema) and which service/platform it was on. Include entire seasons of tv shows if “binge” watched, discard single episodes. Sit and ponder the amount of time I spend watching movies when  I could be doing something productive like bitching about politics on tumblr.

I tried to log everything, but there are gaps.

  1. Hits! (Netflix)
  2. The Brady Bunch Movie. (Amazon Streaming)
  3. Tallulah. (Netflix)
  4. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. (Amazon Streaming)
  5. Indian Jones and the Last Crusade. (Amazon Streaming)
  6. Iron Man. (Amazon Streaming)
  7. Travelers Season 1. (Netflix)
  8. Haven Season 1. (Netflix)
  9. Princess Mononoke. (Blu-ray)
  10. Hateful Eight. (VUDU)
  11. Chicken People. (Amazon Prime)
  12. Fright Night. (Shudder)
  13. Disco Godfather. (Exploitation.tv)
  14. The Six Thousand Dollar Nigger aka Super Soul Brother. (Exploitation.tv)
  15. Little Miss Innocence. (Exploitation.tv)
  16. Sugar Cookies. (Exploitation.tv)
  17. The House of Seven Corpses. (Shudder)
  18. The Blues Brothers. (HBOGo)
  19. The Last Temptation of Christ. (Overground Cinema)
  20. The Burbs. (Hulu)
  21. Crystal Lake Memories. (Shudder)
  22. Tombstone. (Hulu Plus)
  23. Haven Season 2. (Netflix)
  24. Haven Season 3. (Netflix)
  25. A Series of Unfortunate Events Season 1. (Netflix)
  26. Alice through the looking glass. (Netflix)
  27. Steven King’s Silver Bullet. (Amazon Prime)
  28. The Magicians Season 1. (Netflix)
  29. My Cousin Vinny. (HBOGo)
  30. The Illusionist. (Showtime Anytime)
  31. Zoolander 2. (VUDU)
  32. The Departed. (DVD)
  33. Pretty Peaches. (Exploitation.tv)
  34. Succubus. (Shudder)
  35. The Boss. (HBOGo)
  36. Forgetting Sarah Marshall. (HBOGo)
  37. Big Trouble in Little China. (HBOG0)
  38. Resident Evil Extinction. (HBOGo)
  39. Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things. (Amazon Prime)
  40. The Monster. (Amazon Prime)
  41. Green Room. (Amazon Prime)
  42. Resident Evil: Extinction.
  43. Beware of the Slenderman. (HBOGo)
  44. Hellboy. (Netflix)
  45. Fright Night 2. (remake) (Netflix)
  46. V for Vendetta. (Netflix)
  47. Tales of Halloween. (Netflix)
  48. Afterbirth. (Netflix)
  49. The Nice Guys. (HBOGo)
  50. Point Break. (Hulu)
  51. Soapdish. (Amazon Prime)
  52. Malificent.(VUDU)
  53. Crimson Peak. (VUDU)
  54. China and Silk. (Exploitation.tv)
  55. The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement. (HBOG0)
  56. Superbad. (Netflix)
  57. Fresh Meat. (Shudder)
  58. Exorcism. *Jess Franco* (Shudder)
  59. Hell or High Water. (VUDU)
  60. The Road to Perdition. (HBOGo)
  61. Bustin’ Loose. (HBOGo)
  62. The Running Man. (Amazon Prime)
  63. John Wick. (VUDU)
  64. Tangled. (hard drive)
  65. Requiem for a Dream. (Netflix)
  66. Burnt. (hard drive)
  67. Death Becomes Her. (hard drive)
  68. Last Samurai. (Netflix)
  69. The House of Whipcord. (Shudder)
  70. 10 Things I hate about you. (Netflix)
  71. Pretty Woman. (dvd)
  72. Fire in the Sky. (Netflix)
  73. Frozen. (VUDU)
  74. Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens. (VUDU)
  75. Kill List. (Hulu)
  76. Eye in the Sky. (Amazon Prime)
  77. Rabid. (Showtime Anytime)
  78. Girl Asleep. (Netflix)
  79. King Cobra. (Netflix)
  80. The Greasy Strangler. (Amazon Prime)
  81. Journey to the Center of the Earth. (HBOGo)
  82. For a Good time, Call…. (Netflix)
  83. Author: The JT LeRoy story. (Amazon Prime)
  84. Tarzan (2016) (HBOGo)
  85. The heart is deceitful above all things. (Amazon Prime)
  86. Abbatoir. (FandangoNOW)
  87. Point Break. (2)  (Hulu Plus)
  88. The Reaping. (HBOG0)
  89. To Wong Foo… Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar. (HBOG0)
  90. Major League. (Amazon Prime)
  91. Winter Heat. (Exploitation.tv)
  92. Trading Places. (Amazon Prime)
  93. +1. (Shudder)
  94. Night of the Living Dead 1990. (Shudder)
  95. Moana. (Plex)
  96. Dr. Strange. (Plex)
  97. Tomorrowland. (Hard Drive)
  98. XX. (Hard Drive)
  99. Repo Man. (Hard Drive)
  100. Outcast. (Shudder)
  101. The Tickle King. (HBOG0)
  102. Faults. (Netflix)
  103. House of 1000 Corpses. (Shudder)
  104. The Tickle King. (HBOGo)
  105. Sleepaway Camp. (Shudder)
  106. Red, White and Blue. (Shudder)
  107. Dr. Strange. (2) (VUDU)
  108. Jodorowsky’s Dune. (VUDU)
  109. I don’t feel at home in this world anymore. (Netflix)
  110. Parenthood. (HBOG0)
  111. Jurassic Park III. (Netflix)
  112. Ants on a Shrimp. (Hulu)
  113. End of Days. (HBOGo)
  114. Step Brothers. (Plex)
  115. Justice League Dark. (Plex)
  116. Hudson Hawk. (Plex)
  117. The Accountant. (VUDU)
  118. The girl with all the gifts. (Plex)
  119. The autopsy of Jane Doe. (Plex)
  120. Grandma’s Boy. (Plex)
  121. Blood Father. (Plex)
  122. Broken Lizard’s Club Dread. (Fandango Now)
  123. Fantastic Beasts and where to find them. (Plex)
  124. Always Shine. (Shudder)
  125. Dragnet. (HBOGo)
  126. The Geek. (Exploitation.tv)
  127. War on Everyone. (Plex)
  128. Office Christmas Party. (Plex)
  129. eXit. (Plex)
  130. Mr. Right. (Plex)
  131. Hot Fuzz. (Netflix)
  132. Ferris Bueler’s Day Off. (Netflix)
  133. How to plan an orgy in a small town. (Plex)
  134. Cocoon. (HBOG0)
  135. Resident Evil. (HBOGo)
  136. Armed and Dangerous. (Plex)
  137. A Good Old Fashioned Orgy. (Plex)
  138. Shaun of the Dead. (Plex)
  139. Unfinished Business. (Plex)
  140. Real Genius. (Plex)
  141. Thrashin’ (Plex)
  142. Moana. (Vudu)
  143. The Devils. (Shudder)
  144. Mania. (Exploitation.tv)
  145. Dr. Sexual, Mr. Hyde. (Exploitation.tv)
  146. A long way down. (Netflix)
  147. The Devil’s Candy. (Plex)
  148. Happy House (Fright Flicks)
  149. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. (Plex)
  150. Porky’s 2: The next day. (Plex)
  151. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. (Plex)
  152. Rites of Uranus. (Exploitation.tv)
  153. Funny People. (Plex)
  154. Youth in Revolt. (Plex)
  155. Police Academy. (Plex)
  156. The Blackcoat’s Daughter. (Fandango Now)
  157. Club Dread. (Plex)
  158. Bubba Ho-tep. (Vudu)
  159. A very Brady sequel. (Amazon Prime)
  160. Hotter than Hell. (1971) (Exploitation.tv)
  161. House of de Sade. (Exploitation.tv)
  162. Wynonna Earp Season One. (Netflix)
  163. Speed Racer. (HBOGo)
  164. Poltergeist II. (Showtime Anytime)
  165. Lost Highway. (Showtime Anytime)
  166. History of Violence. (Amazon Prime)
  167. Seed Money: The Chuck Holmes Story. (Vudu)
  168. The Midnight Meat Train. (Shudder)
  169. A Dirty Shame. (Plex)
  170. Karate Kid. (Hulu Plus)
  171. Karate Kid 2. (Hulu Plus)
  172. What we do in the Shadows. (Netflix)
  173. Pecker. (Plex)
  174. 13 Hours. (Hulu Plus)
  175. Dr. Strange. (Plex)
  176. Officer Downe. (Netflix)
  177. Split. (Plex)
  178. Iron Man. (Hulu Plus)
  179. Captain America: Civil War. (Netflix)
  180. Sexual Encounter Group. (Exploitation.tv)
  181. The Goods. (Plex)
  182. Down with love. (Vudu)
  183. The B.F.G. (Netflix)
  184. The All Nighter. (Plex)
  185. Jennifer’s Body. (Plex)
  186. The Prestige. (Netflix)
  187. Sandy Wexler. (Netflix)
  188. IT. (Plex)
  189. The Conjuring. (Vudu)
  190. American Pastoral. (Amazon Prime)
  191. Misery Loves Comedy. (Amazon Prime)
  192. The Alchemist’s Cookbook. (Plex)
  193. Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice. Extended cut. (Vudu)
  194. Beetlejuice. (Amazon Prime)
  195. Turn on with Kelly Nichols. (Exploitation.tv)
  196. Return of the Living Dead Part III. (Hulu Plus)
  197. Desperate Living. (Plex)
  198. Casting JonBenet. (Netflix)
  199. Casting JonBenet. (Netflix)
  200. Insidious Chapter 3. (Vudu)
  201. Nothing but trouble. (HBOGo)
  202. Ms. 45. (Shudder)
  203. Beyond the Gate. (Netflix)
  204. John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned. (HBOGo)
  205. Stakeland II. (Netflix)
  206. The Windmill. (Netflix)
  207. The space between us. (Vudu)
  208. Hot Fuzz. (Netflix)
  209. Mommy Dead and Dearest. (HBOGo)
  210. A place beyond shame. (Exploitation.tv)
  211. Bad Moms. (Showtime Anytime)
  212. The Hateful Eight. (Vudu)
  213. The Martian. (Vudu)
  214. Affairs of Aphrodite. (Exploitation.tv)
  215. Logan. (Vudu)
  216. Jackie Brown. (Amazon Prime)
  217. Inglorious Basterds. (Netflix)
  218. Penn and Teller get killed. (Plex)
  219. Alien 3. (Vudu)
  220. Phantasm Remastered. (Shudder)
  221. Herschell Gordon Lewis The Godfather of Gore. (Vudu)
  222. My Chauffeur. (Vudu free with ads)
  223. Bad Biology. (Shudder)
  224. Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. (Shudder)
  225. Dig two graves. (Netflix)
  226. War Machine. 2017 (Netflix)
  227. The Crow. (Netflix)
  228. John Wick 2. (Plex)
  229. Violet & Daisy. (Plex)
  230. Polyester. (Plex)
  231. Kong: Skull Island. (Plex)
  232. Porky’s. (Plex)
  233. Porky’s II: The Next Day. (Plex)
  234. Men at Work. (Plex)
  235. Doctor Strange. (Netflix)
  236. The Matrix. (Amazon Prime)
  237. Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals. (Shudder)
  238. Wanted. (Plex)
  239.  The Axe Murders of Villisca. (Netflix)
  240. Fright Night. (Shudder)
  241. Fright Night 2. (original) (Servio)
  242. Dredd. (Vudu)
  243. Jurassic World. (Vudu)
  244. Toolbox Murders. (2004) (Shudder)
  245. Sweet Sugar. (Blu Ray)
  246. Beauty and the Beast. 2017. (Vudu)
  247. Moana. (Vudu)
  248. Tangled. (Ipad)
  249. Zootopia. (Vudu)
  250. Babyface. (Exploitation.tv)
  251. CHIPs. (2017) (Plex)
  252. Fist Fight. (Plex)
  253. From Beyond. (Plex)
  254. Weird Science. (Plex)
  255. Gangs of New York. (Hulu Plus)
  256. Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. (Hulu Plus)
  257. Con Air. (Hulu Plus)
  258. John Wick 2. (Vudu)
  259. Annie. (Netflix)
  260. A Mighty Wind. (Hulu Plus)
  261. Nightmare on Elm Street: Freddy’s Dead. (Hulu Plus)
  262. In the Mouth of Madness. (Hulu Plus)
  263. GLOW. (Netflix)
  264. You’re so cool, Brewster. (Shudder)
  265. Mamma Mia! (HBOGo)
  266. Penn and Teller Get Killed. (Plex)
  267. Pitch Perfect. (Serviio)
  268. Unearthed & Untold: the Path to Pet Semetary. (Amazon Prime)
  269. Show Pieces. (Shudder)
  270. Pitch Perfect 2. (Plex)
  271. Sleeping with other people. (Showtime)
  272. Reunion. (Exploitation.tv)
  273. Hyapatia Lee’s Tasty. (Exploitation.tv)
  274. Pretty Peaches 2. (Exploitation.tv)
  275. Sherlick Holmes. (Exploitation.tv)
  276. Step Brothers. (Plex)
  277. I always said yes. (Amazon Prime)
  278. Unbreakable. (DVD)
  279. Ghostbusters 2016. (Plex)
  280. Matrix Reloaded. (Amazon Prime)
  281. Necessary Roughness. (HBOGo)
  282. Mimic. (HBOGo)
  283. Overboard. (TubiTV)
  284. The Last Word. (Amazon Prime)
  285. Bachelor Party. (Hard Drive)
  286. Django. (Vudu)
  287. The Void. (Netflix)
  288. The Farmer’s Daughter and her Punishment Pony. (Exploitation.tv)
  289. Dune. (Showtime)
  290. Jodorowsky’s Dune. (Vudu)
  291. Dr. Strange. (Netflix)
  292. Tour de Pharmacy. (HBOGo)
  293. Talladega Nights. (Hulu Plus)
  294. Frozen. (Vudu)
  295. Champagne for Breakfast. (Exploitation.tv)
  296. The Stendhal Syndrome. (Shudder)
  297. Avengers: Age of Ultron. (Blu-ray)
  298. Real Genius. (Hulu Plus)
  299. John Carpenter’s VAMPIRE$ (Hulu Plus)
  300. 1990: The Bronx Warriors. (Shudder)
  301. Popstar- Never stop never stopping. (HBOGo)
  302. My Scientology Movie. (Netflix)
  303. We are the Flesh. (Shudder)
  304. The Stuff. (Shudder)
  305. Kong: Skull Island. (Vudu)
  306. Southwest of Salem. (Vudu)
  307. Night Shift. (Plex)
  308. Rogue One. (Netflix)
  309. Kingpin. (Amazon Prime)
  310. Little Nicky. (HBOGo)
  311. Taboo. (Blu Ray)
  312. House of DeSade. (Exploitation.tv)
  313. For a good time, call. (Netflix)
  314. Society. (Blu Ray- Overground Cinema)
  315. Babyface. (Blu Ray- Overground Cinema)
  316. Okja. (Netflix)
  317. Black Snake Moan. (Netflix)
  318. Avatar. (Overground Cinema)
  319. Once Bitten. (Amazon Prime)
  320. Love Champions. (Exploitation.tv)
  321. Maniac (remake) (Shudder)
  322. Summer School. (Plex)
  323. Just one of the guys. (Plex)
  324. Wild, Wild West. (Netflix)
  325. Wreck-it Ralph. (Vudu)
  326. You’ve got Mail. (Amazon Prime)
  327. China Girl. (Blu Ray- Overground Cinema)
  328. Guardians of the Galaxy II. (Plex)
  329. My Chauffeur. (Blu Ray)
  330. Thor. (Plex)
  331. Iron Man 3. (Plex)
  332. Bachelor Party. (Plex)
  333. Step Brothers. (Plex)
  334. Moana. (Netflix- Overground Cinema)
  335. The Matrix Revolutions. (Netflix- Overground Cinema)
  336. The Founder. (Netflix)
  337. Vampire Academy. (Netflix)
  338. The Devil’s Knot. (Netflix)
  339. King Arthur. (Vudu)
  340. Starship Troopers. (Plex)
  341. The Frighteners. (DVD)
  342. David Cried. (Netflix)
  343. CHIPS. (Plex)
  344. Barbecue. (Netflix)
  345. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. (Amazon Prime)
  346. Dickie Roberts Former Child Star. (Vudu)
  347. The Black Room. (Netflix)
  348. Avengers. (Plex)
  349. Burnt. (Netflix)
  350. Death Note. (Netflix)
  351. Citizen X. (Amazon Prime)
  352.   The Affairs of Janice. (Exploitation.tv)
  353. Dazed and Confused. (?)
  354. Bio-Dome. (Amazon Prime)
  355. Stanford Prison Experiment. (Netflix)
  356. Spotlight. (Netflix)
  357. Rob Zombie’s 31. (Shudder)
  358. CLUE. (Hulu Plus)
  359. Rosemary’s Baby. (Hulu Plus)
  360. Water Power. (Streamed from Laptop)
  361. Riot on the Dancefloor: The Story of Randy Now & City Gardens. (Amazon Prime)
  362. Beauty and the Beast. (Netflix)
  363. David Lynch The Art Life. (Amazon Prime)
  364. Sacrament. (Shudder)
  365. Captain Fantastic. (Amazon Prime)
  366. Gerald’s Game. (Netflix)
  367. Flowers in the Attic. (Shudder)
  368. Sacrament. (Shudder)
  369. Dr. Strange. (Netflix)
  370. The Vampire’s Assistant. (HBOGo)
  371. Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. (HBOGo)
  372. Witness. (Showtime Anytime)
  373. Smokey and the Bandit II. (Showtime Anytime)
  374. 976-EVIL. (Vudu)
  375. Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. (Amazon Prime)
  376. Cult of Chucky. (Netflix)
  377. The Frighteners. (DVD)
  378. DUDES. (Blu-Ray)
  379. The Babysitter. (Netflix)
  380. Trading Places. (Netflix)
  381. Chop Off. (Fandor)
  382. The Nightmare Before Christmas. (Netflix)
  383. Hackers. (Download)
  384. Live, Die, Repeat. (aka Edge of Tomorrow) (Blu ray)
  385. DUDES. (Blu Ray/Overgroud Cinema)
  386. 1922. (Netflix Overground Cinema)
  387. The Dukes of Hazard Unrated. (Amazon Prime)
  388. What Lies beneath. (Amazon Prime)
  389. Too Funny to Fail. (Hulu Plus)
  390. Showgirls. (Hulu Plus)
  391. Lace Crater. (Shudder)
  392. The Hateful Eight. (Netflix/Overground Cinema)
  393. Even Lambs have Teeth. (Amazon Prime)
  394. Johnny Be Good. (Amazon Prime)
  395. Mortuary Academy. (Youtube)
  396. Eating Raoul. (Youtube)
  397. Pump up the Volume. (Download)
  398. Death Proof. (Download)
  399. Bram Stoker’s Dracula. (Amazon Prime)
  400. The Heat. (Download)
  401. Looper. (Download)
  402. Saved. (Amazon Prime)
  403. Dogma. (Download)
  404. The Gate. (Shudder)
  405. Out of Sight. (Showtime Anytime)
  406. Natural Born Killers. (Amazon Prime)
  407. Clownhouse. (Download)
  408. Planet Terror. (Download)
  409. Going out in Style. (Vudu)
  410. Radley Metzger’s THE IMAGE. (Blu-ray, Overground Cinema)
  411. Cinderella live action. (Vudu)
  412. Baby Driver. (Vudu)
  413. Jim & Andy. (Netflix)
  414. Videodrome. (Vudu)
  415. Polyester. (Vudu)
  416. The Hitman’s Bodyguard. (Vudu)
  417. Aliens. (Director’s Cut) (Download)
  418. Eating Raoul. (FilmStruck)
  419. Point Break. (Amazon Prime)
  420. Cruising. (Download)
  421. Long Time Running. (Netflix)
  422. Tropic Thunder. (Netflix)
  423. Office Christmas Party. (Showtime)
  424. Rogue One: A Starwars Story.  (Netflix)
  425. Dreamcatcher. (Netflix)
  426. Psych: The Movie. (USA Network)
  427. American Assassin. (Vudu)
  428. Throat: 12 years after. (Blu-Ray)
  429. John Wick. (Vudu)
  430. Cabin Boy. (HBOGo)
  431. Halloween: Resurrection. (HBOGo)
  432. Orgy of the Dead. (Blu-Ray)
  433. Paddington. (Netflix)
  434. Clueless. (Amazon Prime)
  435. Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. (original release) (Plex)
  436. The Witches. (Amazon Prime)
  437. Christmas Inheritance. (Netflix)
  438. John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness. (Vudu)
  439. Broken Lizard’s Club Dread. (HBOGo)
  440. Gremlins. (Netflix)
  441. A place beyond shame. (Exploitation.tv)
  442. Kubo and the Two Strings. (Netflix)
  443. Bright. (Netflix)
  444. Trouble with the curve. (Netflix)
  445. Zodiac. (Netflix)
  446. Better watch out. (Shudder)

 

 

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Tuesday October 17th. (Baseline)

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“A blood black nothingness began to spin.
Began to spin.
Let’s move on to system. System.
Feel that in your body. The system.
What does it feel like to be part of the system. System.
Is there anything in your body that wants to resist the system? System.
Do you get pleasure out of being a part of the system? System.
Have they created you to be a part of the system? System.
Is there security in being a part of the system? System.
Is there a sound that comes with the system? System.
We’re going to go on. Cells.
They were all put together at a time. Cells.
Millions and billions of them. Cells.
Were you ever arrested? Cells.
Did you spend much time in the cell? Cells.
Have you ever been in an instituion? Cells.
Do they keep you in a cell? Cells.
When you’re not performing your duties do they keep you in a little box? Cells.
Interlinked.
What’s it like to hold the hand of someone you love? Interlinked.
Do they teach you how to feel finger to finger? Interlinked.
Do you long for having your heart interlinked? Interlinked.
Do you dream about being interlinked?
Have they left a place for you where you can dream? Interlinked.
What’s it like to hold your child in your arms? Interlinked.
What’s it like to play with your dog? Interlinked.
Do you feel that there’s a part of you that’s missing? Interlinked.
Do you like to connect to things? Interlinked.
What happens when that linkage is broken? Interlinked.
Have they let you feel heartbreak? Interlinked.
Did you buy a present for the person you love? Within cells interlinked.
Why don’t you say that three times? Within cells interlinked. Within cells interlinked. Within cells interlinked.
Where do you go when you go within? Within.
Has anyone ever locked you out of a room? Within.
Within.
Where do you go to when you go within? Within.
Where is the place in the world you feel the safest? Within.
Do you have a heart? Within.
Stem.
Did you pick asparagus stems?
What comes from something else? Stem.
Have you been to the source of a river? Stem.
When’s the first time you gave a flower to a girl? Stem.
What did she look like? Stem.
Is it a slang word for people’s legs? Stem.
Have you planeted things in the ground? Stem.
Have you ever been in a legal battle? Stem.
Within one stem.
Dreadfully.
Is that an old fashioned word? Dreadfully.
Did you ever want to live in the nineteenth century? Dreadfully.
What’s it like to be filled with dread? Dreadfully.
Do you think you could find out all the answers to all the questions? Dreadfully.
Distinct.
How good are your eyes? Distinct.
Do you have a particular personality? Distinct.
What separates somebody from somebody else? Distinct.
Who do you admire most in the world? Distinct.
What was your most shameful moment? Distinct.
Dreadfully distinct.
Dark.
Were you afraid of the dark whan you were little? Dark.
What’s it like to hide under a bed? Dark.
Did they keep you in a drawer when they were building you? Dark?
Was it dark in there? Dark.
Do you have dark thoughts? Dark?
Did they program you to have dark thoughts? Dark?
Do you think it’s some kind of corruption these dark thoughts? Dark.
Maybe it’s a spot of rust or something? Dark.
Who’s the darkest person you know? Dark.
What is it like when someone gives you the silent treatment. Dark.
Who did you get your darkness from? Dark.
Against the dark.
What kind of power do you have against the dark. Against the dark.
Do you think there is such a thing as evil? Against the dark.
Do you think you can protect people against the dark. Against the dark.
Why are these things happening? Against the dark.
Do you prefer the day or the night? Against the dark.
When is the last time you saw a starry sky? Against the dark.
What’s your favorite part of the moon? Against the dark.
Fountain.
Have you seen the Trevi fountain in Rome? Fountain.
Have you ever seen the fountain in Lincoln center? Fountain.
Have you seen fountains out in the wild? Fountain.
What’s it like when you have an orgasm. Fountain.
Have you read the Fountainhead? Fountain.
White Fountain.
Is it pure white? White Fountain.
Is that a metaphor? White Fountain.
How did the white Fountain make you feel? White Fountain.
A tall white fountain played.
When you were little did you ever fall into a Fountain? A Tall White Fountain.
Do you like fire, earth, air or water. A Tall White Fountain.
Do you like skipping around in the water? A Tall White Fountain.
A blood black nothingness.
A system of cells.
Within cells interlinked.
Within one stem.
And dreadfully distinct.
Against the dark.
A tall white fountain played.”

Thursday 07.20.2017

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A year ago today I had a vasectomy. I’d been talking about it off and on over the years, even going as far as attempting to make an appointment on several occasions and having been flatly denied the procedure due to my (young) age and having never procreated. Then plan was to have the surgery before turning 40, but, as with most things I was a little late on it.

Once I returned to the land of the Insured it was on the top of the list of things to do with my federally mandated health coverage, and with that in mind I contacted a local Urology clinic and asked to make an appointment for consultation with Dr. Amster.

I’m not sure they knew what to make of me; most of the patients in the waiting room were either older gentlemen with UT problems or frumpy husbands who, after several children, were reluctantly going for vasectomy. No one was making eye contact with each other; there was no small talk or conversation and everyone had a pronounced look of dread on their face- save for me. I was giddily texting my wife and playing Disney video games in the lobby when my name was called.

The consult was pretty quick; Dr. Amster started with making sure I was 100% committed to never breeding (I think I convinced her rather quickly, referring to children as ‘little bastards’ and calling myself an anti-natalist) and then performing the physical examination. She picked up right away that I had previous trauma to my scrotum/testicles, though I sheepishly told her the damage was from a bike accident instead of total transparency; this caused some concern that there may have been scar tissue that would make the vasectomy go from a simple walk-in procedure to a more labor intensive surgery. And with that- my appointment was scheduled for 07.20.2016.

When the big day came, Julia insisted on taking the day off and supporting me. It was nice having her there and our banter seemed to charm the Doctor, who while being a total professional also matched our enthusiasm for taking control of my fertility and the surreality of what we were doing. We asked before going in if she’d mind photos being taken during the procedure- not only did she not mind, but she’d stop and suggest perfect photo opportunities to make sure that the pictures we did get would be dynamic and memorable.

The procedure itself took no time at all; I was fully awake and had a great time interacting with the operation. The pain was minimal and I found myself walking 10 or so blocks after we left the clinic with no discomfort. Healing was quick and scarring almost nonexistent (we used the ‘bladeless’ method) and I couldn’t have asked for a better experience.

There was never a point in my life where I’d considered having children and the same is true for my wife, so being able to permanently remove the possibility (for a grand total of $120, plus the price of a bag of frozen silicone ‘peas’) was an amazing weight off my shoulders. Plus I got to play with my vas deferens… all in all totally worth it.

 

Tuesday 04.25.2017

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Due to a flurry of situations totally out of my control, I’ve been listening to the Smiths a lot (more than usual) over the last two weeks. It’s hard not to be melancholic with a steady IV drip of Steven Patrick Morrissey being broadcast into my frontal lobe, but even without Moz’s influence I’ve been having a pretty rough time lately. It’ll pass, good or bad, and I’m very lucky that the causality of this funk is external and not internal- that no matter how many WTF moments are thrown at me (and they seem to be coming with increasing frequency) I’ll eventually hit that shitluck apex and will finally make it through a day without dropping a keg on my toe, slicing my fingers open, forgetting doctors appointments, paying for them anyway, failing at making new friends, dealing with the heartbreaking minutiae of possibly losing one and generally feeling like a magnet for all of the psychic crud that I usually avoid without a second glance.

(Facebook tells me that on this day in 2016 and 2015 I was posting a bunch of random Smiths songs on my timeline- maybe it’s cyclical)

I’ve been having a hard time shaking the guilt of being in a funk when people I love have it so much worse than me right now. I know, logically, that acknowledging my shit week (well, my shit fortnight) in no way invalidates the hard times that friends are going through, that it’s not all or nothing and that I’ve had the unwavering support of my wife, friendship of my bud Natalie and pretty much the ear of everyone I’ve pulled aside to complain about my grumpiness to, but there’s still this lingering sense of embarrassment that I’m a sadsack over things that I can’t control, over things that on their own wouldn’t be that big of a deal. That, too, is something that will pass but right now I just feel like a giant lemonface and I’m worried that I’m overlooking the chill days like H-Mart and Olive Garden with Julia and focusing on the bad ones instead.

Who knows man.